Getting
pregnant wasn't as easy as we had expected. First I had to convince
Eric that having a baby was a fabulous idea. To my surprise it didn't
take too much convincing since Eric was already imagining what it
would be like to come home from work and have his child wrap their
arms around him. So, in August of 2012 we decided to start trying,
but had agreed that we wouldn't tell a soul (Eric's request)! Of
course I had a grand plan, because everything in my life has to have
a plan. I would stop taking my birth control in August and we would
start trying to get pregnant in November. According to my plan, we
had three months to make it happen...this would allow me to have the
baby in between school semesters. Well, as always, the big Man above
had a better plan! The three months flew by and I was still only
seeing one line on those stupid pee sticks! I started to become
discouraged as others around me were announcing their pregnancies.
We were doing everything by the book (because along with planning, I
obsess over everything too, so of course I was reading every
blog/website imaginable)! I didn't understand why it wasn't happening
when it seemed so easy for everyone else. Even though my three month
time line was over, we continued to try. But still, month after month
went by with negative test after negative test (and more negative
tests..because you know, you can't just take one!). The hardest part
of the whole thing was not being able to talk to anyone about the
struggle. I didn't even really talk to Eric much about it because I
didn't want him to know how obsessed I was! You know how they say
'”if you stop thinking about it, it will happen”? Well, I'm a
true believer in that logic now! By June I was done! I was convinced
that there was something wrong with one of us and we needed to get
check out. There was no “planning” in the month of June (let
alone very little “trying”). I went to Tahoe at the end of the
month for my friends bachelorette party which also happened to be the
weekend I was supposed to start my period. When I got home from Tahoe
I decided to pee on another stick. I figured, why not? This was
almost routine for me now! Thank God for the Dollar Store pregnancy
tests because those things are expensive when you take an average of
5 a month!. To my surprise there was the faintest of faint second
line! I couldn't help but ask Eric if he could see one line or two,
which he answered “there might be a second one?” not very
helpful! So the next morning I took another test and there was,
without a doubt, a second line! But I couldn't settle with just one
test, especially a dollar store test, so of course I took another
one! I couldn't believe it. I remember looking in the mirror at
myself in disbelief! I called my doctor that day and went to the lab
were they did another urine test....which came back NEGATIVE! I
practically begged my doctor for a blood test because by that time I
had taken 7 tests that all said positive (yes, still in disbelief).
He agreed and the next day I got confirmation that I was indeed
pregnant! I of course already had a box of baby items ready to give
to Eric, things I had accumulated over the last 9 months. After I
told him the great news he asked “when do we get to find out what
it is?” (he was hoping for a boy). I was shocked and replied “you
told me 6ish years ago that you didn't want to find out the gender of
your babies until they are born! So that's what I have planned for in
the last 6ish years...you're going to change that on me now?” And
so after a brief discussion we decided to not find out the
gender....craziness to some! On fourth of July we had a BBQ at our
house and announced our surprise to our family and friends, who were
shocked.
Fast
forward 9 months and we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our
little bundle of joy. Up until a few weeks before my due date, not
knowing the gender was easy and fun! But as it got close, Eric and I
were so anxious to find out! We were done being told what everyone
else thought it was going to be and we were done calling our baby
“it”. Eric was sure the entire pregnancy that we were having a
girl, and I went back and forth, although towards the end I was
pretty convinced it was a boy. My due date, March 7th,
came and went despite every effort to start labor, with the exception
of castor oil..but that was next! On Monday the 10th I
woke up around 2am with consistent contractions. I made sure that
Eric took his phone with him to work when he left around 3am just in
case this turned into something exciting. After he had left I went in
the living room and bounced on the birth ball while timing the
contractions. They were about 10-12 minutes apart so I knew they
weren't exciting yet. Around 7:30am, just about when I was going to
tell my mom, the contractions stopped. That day my mom and I walked
to try to get things going again. Around 5pm the contractions started
again, but still not very exciting. Then around 1am Tuesday morning I
told Eric that we should head to the hospital to get checked. I was
having contractions about 7-10 minutes apart lasting about a minute
each. They still weren't in a good pattern, but I just wanted to get
checked to see if they were actually doing anything or if this was
just false labor. We decided to alert the troops of our trip to the
hospital, although we wish we would've spared every one the false
alarm at 1am! Haha I was still only dilated to 1cm which was
extremely discouraging, but I had effaced (I can't remember what
percentage exactly). They could tell on the monitor that almost every
other contraction I was feeling was only a braxton hicks so they gave
me some medication to make those “go away” and sent me home to
sleep. Sleeping was a bit difficult with a contraction every 10
minutes but I did manage to get some rest! My mom came over at some
time Tuesday morning and her and Eric kept me company while I bounced
my way through each contraction. I tried to lay on the couch but that
made the discomfort 10x worse! Eric's dad came over just as we were
deciding that it was probably time to head to the hospital again.
Just for the record, my “PLAN” was to stay at home for as long as
possible and to have a natural labor with no interventions or
epidural. I probably should have stayed home longer but honestly, the
excitement and curiosity of “how far have I gotten” got to me (I
was also GBS positive so I had to make sure there was enough time to
get the antibiotics). Around 3pm we headed to the hospital. When I
was checked (by the same midwife that delivered my niece) I was
dilated to a 3-4. She then asked “your membranes are leaking, when
did your water break?” to which I replied “I think it just did!”
as I felt the gush of liquid! She left the room to start my
admittance process while I had the sudden urge to vomit! It was like
a scene in the movies, my mom and Eric running around the room
looking through cabinets and such in search of something, anything,
for me to throw up in! Finally Eric grabbed the garbage can out of
the bathroom and rushed it over to me. Poor guy, this was only the
beginning (by the way....barf bags are kept by the head of the
hospital bed)! I was so excited that I was able to get admitted! This
was it! Our little “it” would be here soon! I spent the next 6 or
so hours on top of the birth ball, bouncing my way through each
contraction, with Eric massaging my shoulders with each one. Thank
goodness for that ball...I'm so happy we remembered to take it! I had
also spent some time in the shower which was very relaxing, but since
they have to monitor the baby every thirty minutes, I didn't feel up
to getting undressed again to get back in. I don't know what I
would've done without Eric there by my side. Good thing people kept
him supplied with coffee because I needed him! At some point during
the night they had checked me and I was still only dilated to a 4.
They started pitocin in hopes to speed things up. I could no longer
bounce on the ball because they were having a hard time monitoring
the baby but being in bed made the contractions 10x worse! With each
contraction Eric would push as hard as he could on my lower back and
in between each one we had my hot corn pillow resting there (yes,
many trips were made to the microwave). Sometime early Wednesday
morning I began to have an extreme urge to push with each
contraction. I told the nurse that I wanted to be checked and when
they checked me, I was extremely disappointed, and shocked, to hear
that I was STILL only dilated to a 4! I was then told that I had to
fight the urge to push...the baby was dropping which was causing the
pressure, but if I pushed I would hurt the baby and myself. For those
of you who need a better understanding of how difficult this was,
imagine you have to go number 2 the worst you've ever had to go...but
you're in the car, or some public place, and you have to squeeze your
cheeks and use all your energy to NOT push! Now multiply that by 5 or
10 and you have an understanding of how this feels! The midwife
suggested an epidural to help my body relax so that maybe I would
dilate. I VERY much did not want to have an epidural but I knew that
if this went on for much longer they may start throwing out the
dreaded word “c-section”. I went through a few more AWFUL
contractions where I had to pull myself up using the bed rail to help
fight the urge to push before I seriously considered and discussed
the epidural with my family and Eric. They had strict orders to talk
me out of such a thing and we even had a code word in place to let
them know I was serious. They stuck to the plan and reminded me that
I could do it without the epidural...but I knew it was the right
decision because my body wasn't able to do what it needed to with me
being so tense. I finally gave the code word...”Fritos!”. The
nurse on duty at the time had a hunch that the baby was posterior, or
sunny side up. She had me lay in different positions to try to flip
the baby. I could still feel each contraction with the epidural but
at a much smaller intensity...which was perfect because I didn't want
to be numb of all contractions and urges to push. Within 2 hours of
having the epidural, which allowed both Eric and I to get some much
needed rest, I was again having the urge to push. I was paging for
the nurse but she wasn't coming so Eric's grandma went and got her. I
told the nurse that I had the urge to push and she just continued
about her business looking through cabinets and such. When I told her
that I was very uncomfortable she thought I was referring to the
oxygen mask and began to adjust it. I finally said “not the mask! I
need to push!” with which she responded “OH! Well let's check you
then”. After checking me she asked “do you want the good news or
the bad news?” How do you respond to that in that situation? I
didn't want any news if she was going to tell me I was still at a 4!
I just laid there silent. I think she could tell I was hesitant
because she finally told me that I was 9.5cm dilated and I could try
to push. WWWHHHHOOOO WWWHHHOOO!!!!!! I still don't know what the
“bad”news was...maybe that I still had .5 to go? This is when the
fun began! A new nurse came on duty, relieving the one that assumed
the baby was sunny side up, and she and Eric held my legs while I
pushed. Because the baby's oxygen level would go down with each push,
the doctor wanted me to push with every other contraction....again
with the holding back?! Torture I tell you! The doctor guessed that
we would have a baby by 9am (just 30 minutes from the time he was in
the room) and said that he would be right back to break down the bed
to prepare...he never returned. Instead, a familiar face entered the
room, the midwife who delivered my niece, and who also broke my
water! I was very happy to see her. Things started happening very
quickly and the room soon filled with nurses. I remember hearing the
midwife say over and over “I need Dr so and so in here for the
shoulder!”...I was confused by that and so was Eric and our mothers
who were in the room. Then, as I leaned back to take a deep breath
and prepare for the next push, I opened my eyes and lying there on my
now empty tummy was our beautiful baby...ok, maybe not beautiful at
the time...I mean really...until they are cleaned off....! I was in
shock! I had no idea that my baby had been born! Eric was supposed to
announce if we had a boy or a girl and after a few moments the
midwife finally asked “Are you going to tell us what it is?” but
Eric couldn't see because the legs were crossed so one of the nurses
opened up the legs and Eric announced “It's a girl!” Again, I was
in complete shock! I had been convinced that it was a boy, even
though I was wishing for a girl. I burst into tears I was so
happy...Charlotte Grace was here! Eric was right, all along he knew
it was a girl. And the hair!! She had so much hair! I couldn't wait
for her to get her bath so we could really see what it looked like.
Our sweet little girl decided to poop all over her and mommy. Poop
was everywhere! But it didn't really matter, because I was holding my
DAUGHTER. I was in disbelief that I had a daughter for a couple of
days! And I wasn't the only one in shock....the midwife was amazed
that the baby came out sunny side up! In her words “You pushed that
baby out looking up! Only 3% of babies are born that way”. Okay so
she thought I was super woman or something....but then came the
hardest part of the entire ordeal. I had suffered a 4th
degree laceration. The pain from the repair was the worst pain I've
ever experienced! They called the anesthesiologist to give me more
epidural but it didn't matter because I only lost feeling in my left
leg, nowhere else! She tried everything to get it to spread but
nothing was successful. She finally looked at me and said “I'm
sorry, but I have given you enough medication for a c-section and I
can't give you anymore.” Eric had left the room at some point
because he couldn't stand seeing me in that much pain, let alone
seeing what was happening. My mom almost fainted because it was hard
on her to see me like that. I honestly told myself that I wouldn't be
having any more children because of it...that thought has since worn
off. The repair took THREE hours. In the meantime, the rest of our
family, our dads and Eric's grandma, waited patiently in the waiting
room. They knew that the baby had been born and that we were both ok
but they still had no idea if it was a boy or a girl. If I could go
back (not that I want to relive that!) I would’ve had Eric announce
it to those waiting, but in the moment (and not knowing it was going
to be three hours) I wanted to witness their reactions.
Eric
stayed in the hospital with the two of us. I knew right away he was
going to be an awesome daddy! We had to stay two nights because
Charlotte was losing too much weight. It was so nice to finally come
home as a family of 3. Labor and delivery was quite the experience.
I've read MANY birth stories and I always wondered what mine would
be. Of course I envisioned a blissful, yet painful (I'm not stupid),
medication/intervention free birth. Instead I went to the hospital
sooner than planned, had pitocin and even an epidural, and an
aftermath that is seriously indescribable. Honestly, I'm happy with
the decisions that were made. I could still feel every contraction
and every push with the epidural, but I know that it would have been
much worse given the circumstances if I hadn't received it. And of
course there is always next time (Lord willing) to give it another
try!
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